Yumi

Since about one month ago, thoughts and intentions have been so clear to me, and even as how I felt it, memories from past lives. While I'm fairly still not believing in past lives just like that - I continously question everything. But I get glipses of past lives as at the moment from when i was a young child in China trying to learn how to speak properly and my mother telling me that it is extremely important for me to do so otherwise I won't be a proper and beautiful lady and no real man will want me if I don't learn it fast, and I also remeber the room we were sitting in with red and yellow furnishings around us.
And another memory I keep having is from a time in japan as a hairstylist working in a very small studio together with one or two more filled with wigs and colourful clothings and jewelleries and I'm aorund age 30-40 and this studio was located in a smaller part of a plaza or somthing like that and I remember a airport that where somewhere near this place.

Also I keep having memories from a time where I seem to have been an indian or someone young within a mayan or aztec kind of family, at least I rememeber the clothing were made of leather and fur, which we all were having a pretty good life  - not royalties but still pretty close the royalties -  and the memories are mostly about me taking all kinds of spiritually uplifting substances as this were our way to live and I keep remembering a very old lady teaching me all kinds of spiritual things about life that seems to been having a huge impact on my life today where her knowlegde is being given to me by small parts a litttle every now and then.

These three memories are very much vividly active in my mind so much I can almost feel the smells from those times. Through out my life since I was a child, these dreams have reoccured many times over and lately they have been much more clear and longer so it's they are slightly unfolding for everytime I have those dreams, piece by piece.

 

And all of a sudden a voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm old soul and that whatever I've been telling myself from younger age was just a protecting barrier as I was "asleep" for almost 30 years. And now I'm fully awakened and this is the real me. Since I was around 19 years old I have always felt a close pressence of a woman always being there for me when it comes to questions about love and friendships, she has a almost outerworldly kind of loving energy, I could never put my finger on exactly what she was to me so I always though she was an angel but today it's clear to me that she is a fairy instead which really feels good for me, because I don't belive in angels, or at least the human view of angels, and she has been "my fairy" my entire life. And also this voice also keeps telling me that no matter what position I've taken on before will never be anymore, because I will naturally get in a very much leading position and the only thing I can do now is to prepare for it.

Well...

No matter how much this makes me blush and feel very special, but also a bit bitter because I've always had the intention as living as a human being with no such worth, seems to be wrong.

No matter what this voice keeps saying about me being an old soul, I still refuse to believe it. Or at least I will keep questoning how it's possible for one human to be completely shut off until a specific time.. I mean, why is the purpose of closing the doors of this understanding and knowlegde from me so such a long time and why didn't it open sooner? Why now and why me?

 

No matter the cause, I will still not see me as an old soul. But if I really am one, then I just have to say that almost all information about oldsouls is very much on the surface, and it makes me believe that there is so much more to it when I comes to understanding what makes one.

 

As for me, if I really am one, then it means that I've taken a very different path compared to all the others.. Because I have more of these traits today, compared to when I was young where something always made me feel off and always blocked me from these typical "old-characteristics".

I don't even like the description of oldsouls, maybe I don't have this kind of soul at all after all, or maybe my soul is older than an old soul. That's the only thing I can comprehend. Because in my understanding people are meant to to something but built for something else, so everone keeps being dragged between these two set of characteristics with humans way of using "common knowledge" and completely forget that they still have the right to choose for themselves in the end what they really want to do ro be. 

 

So okay I might feel that I'm an old soul but let's dig really deep, in this life I'm prone to depression because my awereness is a bit..targicly directed  but I can not run away from who I am and how I'm built so if it's stupid to be naive and have fun, and stupid to be depressed I'd rather go with having fun and it's a lot more fun living on this planet when I decided to live and talk like a teenager. Not because I am one, but for me it's just a choice but everyone I meet they all think I'm a teenager until we start talking deeply and then they say "you're an alien or young oldsoul". I'm not sure though if anyone understand what I'm traying to say but you who really do, I guess you have done the same and congratulations.

So my conclushion you can not define an oldsoul only by their characteristics because oldsouls are so much more than what's on the surface.